featuring a motherhood session with Ariebel, Lisa & Harlow

I marvel at her. Her freckles framing the fierce blue eyes above her little button nose. Wild, long hair, unruly and never to be tamed. Like her thoughts. Her spirit, flapping and spreading its wings, rebelling against small-minded minds and cliches. Filling everything around her with vibrant colors.

The Birthday candles reflecting in her eyes. Double digits double the meaning of this day. And the days ahead. A string of moments lined up to create a whole life. Entangled in mine.

While she is celebrating what’s to come, eagerly anticipating the future, adding the numbers to her age, I am looking back. To the months behind us, still feels like they were happening just yesterday. Appreciating the hurdles overcome, the good times spent, and the memories made. We have conquered another year. A time of constant change, and lessons learned. Hand in hand and sometimes miles apart.

Maybe that’s why my eyes fill with tears when reading her birthday cards. My thoughts wander back to when I held her, our bodies soft against this hard world. And then wandering, side by side, on a path unknown. It led us here. To this very moment, when I am in awe of her. My heart feels enormous, heavy. With pride and irrational fear of not being enough. Good enough to guide her, protect her… to let her go when it’s time.

Despite me, she is blossoming. A wildflower, oh so fragile and so mighty. At the same time. Dancing in the rain. Turned toward the horizon, determined to face any storm coming her way.

Holding my hand.

For now.